My story begins with the tragic death of a friend during high school. I will not go into the details, but losing a close friend was a pivotal moment in my life story. The response system I had already developed where I used restriction and food to numb myself became the coping mechanism that I used to respond to all of the pain that I experienced in life. During that Autumn day over a decade ago when she died, I stayed present with the pain of losing her. But during the weeks, months, and years that followed, the pain of the story became unbearable. Other stories of loss and death piled up on top of the story of origin. The weight of my past and my painful story took over my life.
Looking back, I realize that I survived the pain and darkness in the present moment. It was the story of my past that kept me stuck in my depression and eating disorder. I realize now that I spent years numbing the pain of my past and the fear of my future. When I practice letting go of the stories and returning to the present moment, I move towards my own healing and recovery. In the present moment, we have the power of choice and response. When we make choices that create feelings of restriction and constriction, we stay stuck in our pain and our stories. But when we make choices that create feelings of expansion and wholeness, we move towards recovery.
“Do not dwell in the past, do
not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment” ~Buddha
The present moment is powerful. The present moment is now. Chose to be here, now.