I hop on the pendulum,
And away I swing.
The world stays still,
Yet I can’t see a thing.
One day I am roving left,
Deep in restriction and no will to fight,
The next day I am gorging mindlessly,
With everything plummeting right.
The shame that ensues
Hurts my approval searching soul,
And the “shoulds” are swimming wildly
And dangerously out of control.
And then I stop the swing
In mid and thwarting stride,
I demand for the chaos to halt
As I swallow my own damn pride.
I know what is happening,
I have been here before.
I have let my guard down slightly,
And ED is slipping through the door.
We are there, face-to-face,
And I look him in the eyes,
No longer afraid to face him
Even if he hears me cry.
“I won’t let you win,”
My heart cries in pain,
“I fought too hard to get here,
And I will not give up in vain.”
My brow nits close,
And I clinch my fists tight,
My mouth is pursed in anger,
And I muster all my might…
“I can stop the pendulum swing
With one stinging blow…
I will not give into your demands, ED,
You aren’t welcome, and you must go.”
It doesn’t solve everything,
And ED may try to combat,
But acknowledging that he’s not wanted
Is enough to give my wise mind time to react.
Balance is not easy,
And it takes heart, practice, and fight,
But living on a pendulum swing
Is no way to live a life.