A phrase that is uttered so often,
Yet is so rarely understood.
It’s simultaneously a process, a journey, and a destination.
It appears to be so intangible, almost inconceivable;
To take hold of the disorder that controls so ferociously.
Calories go in, conversations go down
Yet the true work is so much deeper:
Deeper than what the eye can see, beyond carbohydrates and muscle tone, into a world of brokenness, of confusion, of freedom.
Because recovery holds within it a world of paradoxes, of undoing the controller being controlled.
A war is waged of seeking liberty through surrender, wholeness only through truly experiencing brokenness, freedom by coming face-to-face with our hidden shame.
It seems so illogical- but isn’t it only through surrender that we find the ability to truly live?
As the lies are starved and the soul is fed, new life springs from what appeared to be desert ruins. We embrace the depths of darkness, cautiously inching our way forward, realizing that each stumble is an opportunity to get back up, and each dark night reveals the stars more profoundly. Emotions become less ensnaring, more inviting.
Emotions become less ensnaring, more inviting.
And slowly, as a child learning to walk, we gain stability and confidence in knowing that the eating disorder is an attacker, not an identity; food is a source of nourishment, not penance, and life is not a time to endure but a gift to be enjoyed. And as a child discovering the world for the first time, may we look up and realize that we are free.
Beloved. Wanted. Strengthened. Empowered.