Image: Vin GanapathyThis is my least favorite time of year… New Year’s Resolutions. Woof. Even thinking about all the infomercials, the weight loss talk, the gym memberships flying off the racks… Man, it can drive a non-disordered eating person berserk… but someone in recovery must really stay on guard through this season of weight loss talk.
A new date on the calendar is enticing and a bit magical, but none of that matters if you are trying to be someone or somewhere you are not.
Here is how I am putting on my armor:
1. That is not for me
I wrote an article on three phrases to help keep a person in recovery strong, and I am going to have to use that is not for me hourly in the month of January. Not every person on this planet suffers from an eating disorder, but my disordered thinking can make me project my issues on everyone around me. That thinking does not serve me well, and I have to combat it often. When my co-worker states that she needs to get her weight on track in the New Year, she may very well need to- losing weight: that is not for me. My friend from small group may be joining a gym come January 1st, but it does not mean I have to- gym: that is not for me. My neighbor may be starting the new diet fad of 2017- but I have to eat my carbs and fats every day- diets: that is not for me. Get my drift? Resolutions regarding weight, eating, and body improving are NOT. FOR. ME.
2. See ya, “Ed Faced”
This year, I want to eliminate what I call getting “ED Faced”. If you know someone who suffers from an eating disorder or you yourself suffer, you know what I am talking about. ED Faced is when I get so deep in my eating disorder thoughts that I get this blank stare and I become a shell of a woman to the outside world; it is scary to witness and even scarier to be in. It is amazing how getting ED Faced can ruin the most beautiful moments in this life. I was ED Faced for the first half of 2016; thank goodness that I learned how to conquer those thoughts that took over my beautiful brain. My resolution will be to recognize when I am getting ED Faced and get Brooke back ASAP. Brooke is pretty cool- ED Sucks.
3. Joy is for me
How about this for a resolution: JOY. In recovery the thing that I gained the most of was joy, and I want to find joy in all I do in 2017. My eating disorder still shows up at times, and the first thing that it does is attempt to steal my joy from any situation. Well, my resolution is to take back joy because joy is for me. I deserve it, and so do you. I was caroling with my husband’s basketball team over the Christmas holiday and I became anxious and began having ED thoughts pop into my brain; it almost ruined my night. Joy is pushing those thoughts to the side and looking at sweet faces of children gathering to do good deeds for others. More recently I went to try on sports bras and got in front of a dressing room mirror for the first time in a while. I felt the weight (pun intended) of the situation and I had to call my best friend to remind me that women are beautiful curvy and I do not have to be rock hard. Thank goodness she was eating fried oysters and told me to come on over and she would save me a few. Joy is having a best friend who knows what to say and a beautiful, healthy, womanly body to eat oysters in! Joy is for me.
In recovery the thing that I gained the most of was joy, and I want to find joy in all I do in 2017.
4. Be who you are today
With all the talk of the future, of new goals, and of big plans for the upcoming year, I say be who you are today. A new date on the calendar is enticing and a bit magical, but none of that matters if you are trying to be someone or somewhere you are not. Be in the moment. Find the joy. Eat the fried oysters. All the new year boils down to is another opportunity to love yourself as is. What a beautiful resolution that would be.