First, I want to preface that this article is not about death or dying. What I want to talk about is meaning.
Last night, I watched the movie Before I Fall. The plot follows a popular senior in high school who is forced to eternally relive Valentine’s Day.
In the beginning, Samantha is not a nice girl. She hates her parents and is the fourth member of a Mean Girls-type clique that thrives on criticizing other people. However, as she continues to relive the same day, Samantha gains perspective. She begins to slowly change her behavior in pursuit of becoming a “good person.”
The movie made me think, What if I only had today?
What if, like Samantha, today was my last chance to truly be me. Would I act differently than I did yesterday? Would I spend my time with different people? Or I allow myself to be defined by an eating disorder?
The past few days have been difficult. I am having a hard time shaking some angry words aimed at my character – abusive, selfish, a child.
My eating disorder loves the person who said those things to me. He gave me a new excuse to self-sabotage, to use maladaptive coping and deprive myself of a meaningful life. My eating disorder tells me that I am worthless, incapable and hopeless.
But, what if I only had today?
Recovery is a constant choice, moment-to-moment, day-to-day. As I wake up today and everyday, I have a choice – will I let my eating disorder dominate me or will I take the reigns?
Today, I want to throw every ounce of my energy into recovery. I want to remind myself that I am a competent woman who is capable of great change. I want to be remembered for the things I did, not the way I looked or the meals I ate. And I want to inspire others to be their best selves, as I pursue the same.
So I ask, how will you take advantage of today? How will you move closer to your values? What feels meaningful to you?
Take hold of it and chase it, Warrior. Because today, a big, bold life is awaiting you.