Deep into an eating disorder, it might feel like the only thing you think about is food. Food is your whole life.
How many calories does this have? Is this “healthy enough”? How can I eat less? When should my next meal will be? How can I find out the exact macros of this?
And it is EXHAUSTING.
Eating disorder thoughts take all your energy. You might become distracted from everything else going on because the only thing that matters is keeping your “health” in check.
Your life revolves around these thoughts day in and day out. This leaves you mentally and physically tired, and not able to simply enjoy life. And don’t even make me get into how much brain space is wasted trying to remember each little piece of food you eat and how many calories it all adds up to.
However, most of us don’t see this when we’re stuck in the grasp of our eating disorders. We think this is normal.
Just being healthy…right?
Healthy is a good thing right? I mean, I was never told that being too healthy is a problem.
When I was in the midst of my eating disorder, I had no life except for food.
I had no idea that there was so much more to life than food. I never realized how bad it really was until my own mother told me, “Kirsten what are you doing? You are giving these thoughts so much power over you. This is not how a normal teenager lives. You have to stop worrying so much.”
She threatened to make me go to in-patient care at a hospital and that really threw me for a loop. How could I need to go to a hospital when I was trying so hard to “live a healthy lifestyle”? That’s what everyone wants, right?
My mom’s serious threats made me realize that maybe I had taken it too far. But it didn’t make changing my behavior or giving up by obsession with food any easier.
But since then, I have seen the world open up right before my eyes. There is so much more to life that I never knew was possible.
As my life expanded, I began to understand what beautiful gift I had been wasting.
Life is so full of fun and possibilities! There are delicious foods to try, trips to take, and adventures to be had.
Don’t let the enjoyment of life go to waste obsessing over being a certain size.
Keep everything in perspective. In the end, are you going to remember how much someone weighed? Or will you remember them for who they were and what they did? Are you going to remember how healthy they ate? Or how much fun you had with them?
Easy? No. Worth it? YES
I’m not saying the minute you decide to get help or to get better life is easy again. That is far from the truth! You have to fight every single day.
But don’t let opportunities be thrown out the door because you’re too busy worrying about food to see them. Fight for those opportunities to be shown to you.
Once you start to fight, you’ll begin to take off the blindfold and see a full life in front of you – an amazing life you never even knew was possible.