Exercise is seen as this really healthy thing within society. We praise each other for fitness goals: steps taken, higher weights lifted, more complex yoga poses mastered, and further distances achieved in our runs. Exercise is not something we simply do for our bodies, but has now become the latest investment for our minds and mental health as well.
On the surface, this is an incredibly positive message for those who’ve never had a strained relationship with exercise. Moving your body to support your mood is something I definitely support, but the motivation behind it must come from the right place.
The truth is moving your body can be a truly amazing and pleasurable experience, or it can feel like punishment if you’re in a bad head-space with food, self-image and self-worth.
I personally experienced the latter for several years when I was struggling with anorexia/orthorexia and can hand over heart admit I was addicted to movement for the wrong reasons.
Do you feel like exercise is controlling your life? Join us in the School of Recovery to learn to balance your mind and body with movement.
How ED Interferes
Having an eating disorder changes the way you think. Your mind becomes a check-list of must-do’s and you’re almost convinced that these actions are your true values. On the surface I convinced myself and others that the workouts I was doing were purely for my mood and enjoyment, but the truth is I was still uncomfortable in my changing body and fearful of the physical restoration I so desperately needed.
So what changed?
Did I magically wake up one day and experience radical self-love and acceptance?
Far from it!
Instead it was a gentle letting go of the movement that no longer served me, and a thinking process that was flawed and perpetuated by diet culture messages. Instead I focused on my ‘why’, which was rebuilding a life where my head-space could be free from thoughts of food, exercise and my body. All of this took years, and was a process of trial and error, but I’ve recounted the main things that helped me below in the hopes that it might support your own healing journey.
4 Ways to Cultivate Healing in Movement
1. I stopped running like a tiger was chasing me
Previously when I went to the gym, for a run, or even to a yoga class, I only had one speed – all out. I knew long term this was unsustainable so I had to ask myself: how do I make exercise (an activity I really enjoy) one that’s more sensible, respectful to my body and mind, and supportive of my recovery needs? The answer was to slow down.
2. Make movement more mindful
I started to engage my senses when I was exercising. If I went for a walk, I took notice of what was around me, what the air smelled like, how my hair felt in the breeze, and change in footing under my feet. I would stop to take a picture of something pretty, or to pat a dog that was cute. In essence I became engaged in what I was doing, never rushed and had no expectation of smashing or setting a “personal best”.
3. I stopped when I was tired
This seems pretty common-sense but can be difficult for those who’ve previously pushed themselves to the extreme. I thought tiredness meant weakness, but I was SO wrong. I started to recognise that my body was talking to me and for years I was ignoring the signs that I needed to SLOW DOWN and rest. Subsequently I had days where I had more energy than I’d ever experienced before to think, be productive in other areas of my life, and still enjoy a bit of exercise.
4. I decided to quit the gym
Something I never thought I’d do, but it was a place that never ‘sparked joy’ as Marie Kondo puts it. It always reminded me of the days I pushed too hard and I needed a new environment and clean state to start exercising in a more balanced way again. So, I started practicing Pilates, Yoga, and going for walks instead. Then when I was ready I joined up to a studio that ran group exercise classes, and loved the community environment and friendships I built through that.
This whole process above took me YEARS, but now I can honestly say I have a very healthy and balanced relationship with exercise, and I now move my body to have fun!
When you put in the hard work during recovery over time strict exercise regimens fall by the wayside, your self-compassion grows and you start to move your body because it feels good, not because you have to.