The world is not made for people in recovery from an eating disorder. It is a bold statement that I truly believe is the truth, but having the knowledge of this truth can shield a person in recovery from triggers and temptations that can lead him/her down a slippery slope into a relapse. I have adopted three phrases that have completely changed my thought process from the body and health conscious world around me: that is not for me, and healthy is relative, and put on your recovery blinders.
1. That is not for me
I am a mom of two young children, and every time we go to the store the battle will arise of the gimmies. They get the “I wants” – If we are at Target, it is “I want a toy!”, if we are at the grocery store, it is “I want candy!” I adopted a phrase that seemed to work well with my 3 and 4 year old: That is not for you. The simple, yet profound statement was quite powerful with my children, and they stopped asking after I would declare that is not for you. When I was in treatment, I was faced with the challenge of changing all my eating disorder actions, behaviors, and beliefs- and it was not an easy task. At one point, when we were on a restaurant outing practicing eating in real world situations, I looked at the menu and saw the calories listed next to the meal I was about to order. My ED brain freaked out and wanted to go back into restriction and compensation mode, but I heard my own mom voice speaking to me- that is not for you. The world has become obsessed with calories and ingredients of foods we consume, and a person cannot go anywhere without being bombarded with information- but those numbers are not for me. I have adopted this phrase for myself and I strongly suggest that all of the recovery warriors say it often. Use your wise mind and powerfully state to yourself- that is not for me.
2. Healthy is relative
Not only is the world obsessed with calories, but the world is fixated on fitness and only consuming food that is “good” for you. I struggled with restriction of only eating “clean” foods (like a delicious cookie is dirty?) and keeping a strict workout/running routine that kept me sick and preoccupied in ED thoughts for a long, long time. The time and the energy that my eating disorder robbed from me was immense. When I began recovery, I had to adopt the belief of healthy is relative because the world was telling me what I was doing was “healthy”, but it was killing me. I had to accept that clean eating may be healthy for some, but it was not healthy for me. I had to accept that working out and running may be healthy for some, but it was not healthy for me. When I stand in line at a work function or kid’s birthday party getting food, I cannot let the conversations and restrictions of the people around me affect what I put on my plate or allow in my body. Healthy is relative. In recovery, a person has to have a wise mind on what is healthy for them in that moment. My colleague may feel the need to pass on a certain type of food, but if my ED use to restrict me from eating it, I need to prove ED wrong and eat that food proudly- regardless on what society deems at “healthy”.
When I began recovery, I had to adopt the belief of healthy is relative because the world was telling me what I was doing was “healthy”, but it was killing me.
3. Put on your recovery blinders
Be who you are today- it is a seemingly simple concept that many people, including myself, have trouble grasping. Where you are in your recovery is unique to you. No one situation or person can define another, so trying to fit into someone else’s mold is detrimental to growth and moving forward. I was told in treatment, “put on your recovery blinders”. This phrase continues to resonate with me in my walk through recovery. I cannot be successful while continuing to look around me and allow others to determine my path, nor can I allow other’s progress or failures in life and recovery effect the road I am on. Each person is uniquely wonderful, and each road to recovery looks different. Just because I am not where I want to be in the moment does not mean I am not moving forward. Baby steps are still steps. In my recovery, I have learned that I have to focus on my own goals and my own path to continue to be successful and learn to love me as I am today, in this moment- because who I am is always enough. So are you.
Just because I am not where I want to be in the moment does not mean I am not moving forward. Baby steps are still steps.