Life With ED Isn’t Easy
Living with an eating disorder is excruciating and challenging. It’s as if you Ed is a relentless and evil soul. It will beat you up and throw you to the ground and the second you start to get back up, it throws you down again.
It won’t let you come up for air and keeps pushing you back down farther and farther again till there is nothing around you but pitch, black, darkness.
A Spark of Hope
But then, out of nowhere, a tiny ounce of strength fills your hand and you punch back. You have no idea what came over you. Ed barely felt that tiny punch you threw, but you felt it. You felt something you have never felt before. What was it? That tiny little ounce of strength was something you have never had before, and now you want it again.
Falling Down Again
It all gets too heavy but as you fall back down into the darkness, yet that little voice inside you tells you try again. You feel what you never thought you could. Hope. Where did it come from? You have no idea, but you try again and this time, with double the strength.
You fall down again, and you realize that Ed still holds a lot of power over your mind.
You bend to its will, but you feel that tiny glimmer of hope building inside of you and you decide to fight.
Ed is bigger and stronger than you at the moment, but you decide to go for it anyway. You start to fight back. It takes quite a long time, and the path seems longer than you can imagine; however, something in you gives you the strength to go one more step. “One more step”, “One more step”, “One more step” the voice chants inside your head.
A Shift in Power
That little ounce of strength you first felt was growing stronger and suddenly, you feel that you can take on the world! Then, Ed comes back into the picture and shows you that it wants to own and run your life- It’s habit still, so you fall back into old ways and bow to his commands yet again. But that glimmer of hope for a future sans Ed still shines in the quiet part of your heart… so you get back up, and start to fight back, again.
So you do it; you fight. It’s hard and lonely and isolating at times, but the thought of living without Ed keeps your engine running and your legs standing.
And this, this my friends is recovery.