As soon as the idea of recovering from my eating disorder was put in front of me, my immediate emotional reaction was fear. I feared every part of it. The weight restoration, stepping outside my comfort zone, letting go of control, and above everything, the uncertainty of it all. I was terrified of hating recovery. I simultaneously couldn’t imagine life getting much worse or getting much better.
To me, letting go of my eating disorder meant letting go of who I was.
In reality, letting go was exactly what would lead me on the journey to discovering my authentic self.
It starts with surrender
I fully believe and understand now the meaning of faith over fear. Once I surrendered, faith took over. I let faith take away everything I feared about recovery.
I began to convince myself that recovery would be a good thing for me, even when my eating disorder tried to persuade me otherwise.
Faith encompasses believing things even though we may not be able to see them. In this case, that is exactly what I had to do. Recovery is a long and winding road. There are ups, downs, zigzags, and everything in between. There are times filled with laughter and times filled with tears. Through all of these, I had to keep the faith that recovery was the right choice for me.
Then, let faith take over
The more I trusted my journey, the less fear I encountered. Our eating disorders want to keep us in that place of fear because in that place we are unable to step out of our disordered routines. However, once we begin to allow faith to break through the fear, amazing things take place.
Though it took a long time for me to truly believe in this new life of health I have, the uncertainty of every step was worth it. Trusting my treatment team, the universe, and myself proved to be the best decision I have ever made. Without placing blind faith in these things, I would not be where I am today. Where I am today has its challenging moments.
But for the most part, my recovery is filled with a peace I never thought I could possibly possess.
Just give it a chance
I urge you to give faith a fighting chance. Fear is an overwhelming emotion and extremely hard to get past.
Life is tough. But so are you.
Give everything up to the universe and trust the support system that surrounds you. You deserve everything a full life contains. Stay strong, warriors.
Let faith guide your way to a beautiful recovery.