For nearly a decade, I kept my eating disorder a secret. There were times when many people had their suspicions that something may be wrong, but I existed in a world of denial.
I lived in a world of lies and deceit.
“Thanks, but I already ate.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Sorry, I can’t afford to go out tonight.”
I avoided the people and places I loved in order to keep my secret.
A few months ago, I decided I was ready for real recovery. I started a PHP, or partial hospitalization program. I spent 11 hours a day in treatment.
How was I supposed to tell my family, friends, and colleagues where I was without them worrying? The lies were increasingly more difficult to come up with.
So I started telling the truth.
If I am perfectly honest, some people had harsh reactions. Some said things that were unhelpful. But overall, the responses were incredibly supportive.
“Thanks for telling me.”
“How can I help you.”
“I’ve had a similar experience if you want to talk about it.”
Now that I have broken away from secrecy, true healing has begun. My friends and family can now support me. I have accountability. I have hope for my recovery.