“Dear Life”: The Emotions of an Eating Disorder Through Poetry

like a coward, like a freak,

she sits and stares in the middle of the night.

food food…

what is next, she needs something to eat.

starving and empty,
flushed red and turning blue,
her mouth is still, and it needs to be working,

chewing, grinding… anything but sitting still,

it is in these moments the pain is too much too strong to endure
physical – emotional – mental or imagined,
it comes in all shapes sizes and fashions

 

breaking codes, like a professional con
vanished and warped the next time, like a bum, just holding on
for dear life…

dear life…
dear life…
dear life…

it echos on the walls

dear life…
dear life…
dear life…

it is not dear at all.

thousands of dollars wasted, checks flushed down the toilet
toilet, yeah, thats another thing,

forget it, she’s seen em all, and they’re all full of it

media reports scream- “oh it is the supermodels and actresses”
HA! but her soul knows better and she laughs at those prefaces

if they only had a clue.

it’s not an after dinner thing, or a one night fling
its a way of life, its relief at its finest.

 

noon and 2am
his name is ed, her
forever best friend.

LAME. LAME. you have such lame analogies.
so shut up NOW and make your apologies.

drugs, booze, bloody arms or poker hands,
theyre infatuations… addictions…. all equivalent to my swollen glands.

scrutinized bodies, spread out like a table

photoshopped to spotless, and flashed across our cables.
hopeful and hopeless, invisible or not

she holds on,
she grieves,
for her life,

on the spot.

Image: @helenaperezgarcia

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