Why have you done such a thing? Did you always have plans to betray me? Where you using me from the very start?
In the beginning you seemed so simple, offering control, peace, and attractability. Nothing drastic, just little “changes” here and there you offered.
The praise from the lost weight came swift.
Having you by my side made me feel safe, secure, and happy. But as the months went by, you encouraged me to reduce my intake even more, and extend my exercise till exhaustion.
Knowing the punishment I would endue from your ever louder, “You obviously just can’t control what you eat.” or the ever more daunting, “You are just pitifully shameful”, I gave in to your words.
You became less and less kind, and more and more like a dictator. You ensured me if I continued I would gain that dream of having full control.
But that day never came.
You tried to quiet the words of those around me concerned about my ever shrinking pant size and dinner. Then you started pushing away those close to me, and making my world revolve around your needs and desires.
That’s when I started to see your true intentions.
I sat there thinking about all the negative aspects you have imposed on my life. Having you constantly on my mind, sitting through hours of your self-hatred towards me, realizing I could no longer sit in wooden chairs due to my protruding butt-bone and spine.
Unable to take part in a social life due to cloudy thoughts and fears of passing out. I knew deep down you were killing me. Even if I couldn’t see it with my own eyes (yet), thanks to the rose-colored glasses you had superglued to my eyes-
I still knew.
So now, my dear Ana, I am trading you in for a new best friend called Self-Love.
She is gentle, loving, accepting, and truly wants me to thrive at life. I’m no longer allowing you to uproot my plans of joy and personal growth.
Now that I have separated you from my life, I will be empowered to take on the world as a whole person full of laughter and joy.
So long, Anorexia. You will not be missed.
The Strong and Empowered Bethany